But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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