She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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