fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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