Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My cat gives me a boner
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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