Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
