i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
