Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
