one word: firstdatebathroomanal
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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