omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
