I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize