Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
