I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
