listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
