i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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