bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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