Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
