i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
