just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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