I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
