I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
