Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize