yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
