I have demons in me.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize