It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
