I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
