I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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