Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
