I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
