he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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