Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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