'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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