Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
