i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
