Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
