New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize