i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
