I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
