I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
