just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
