We're like a lot better than the average bears
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I enjoy the company of your penis
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
