When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
