i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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