Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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