i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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