Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
