i'm signing you up for texting rehab
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
