i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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