she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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