Christians are straight up FREAKS
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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