Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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