I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
