That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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