At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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