I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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