Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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