Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
