I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
