Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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