I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
