Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
