Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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