hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
