Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
if you like me you must not know who I am
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
