So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
