Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
