3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
