I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
