Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
