so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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