Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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