So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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