I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
