im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
and i looked up. we had an audience...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize