Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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