Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
