I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
