elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
