He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
