So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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