do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
