they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Randomize
