cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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