i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
