I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
