My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
