So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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