this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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