More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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