i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
