i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
