Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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