i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
