i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
