we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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