Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
