you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
