So drunk its hurt
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Drake has all the answers
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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