He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
