Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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