do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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