thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
