try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
