apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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