I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
